Managing teenage transitions

PART 1: FIRST POST!😊

Everyone remembers their teenage years! For some, it was characterized by loads of adventures. For others, responsibility. I believe a lot of people would however relate to acquiring sudden dislike for constantly being told what to do. We would remember wanting freedom to make some choices, some privacy, and most importantly to be listened to.

A good definition for teenagers are children who are coming to the shocking realization that "adults are no different from them". 

Everybody came to this realization at some point. That "my thinking now is as good as it's gonna get". 

At this point, we begin to want to make our own choices because now, our choices are as good as anyone else’s. There's also the new understanding that "adults" could be wrong sometimes. This is in itself a taboo within the  Nigerian culture. We mostly like to think that adults can never be wrong! We all know that's a fallacy tho and teenagers are very right on that one. 

So the whole transition can be super annoying for adults especially if you have been a part of the child's life for a while. It seems to spring up suddenly and so unless you are expecting it, you are likely to mismanage it.

Well, all of these give rise to the "rebellion" most people have come to find synonymous with this stage of life.

PART 2: THE BIG QUESTION

As adults, how do we support our teenagers through this transition? As parents in homes, teachers in homerooms, Sunday school teachers in churches e.t.c. I’ll leave this thought hanging here and you’re welcome to drop your ideas and experiences in the comment section. "How I have managed teenage transitions?"

PART 3: DISCIPLINE AND TEENAGERS

Discipline for most of us in Nigeria primarily means the meting out of punishment by an adult or someone in authority for an error committed.

While this is true of discipline, it is a very small part of a much larger picture. With teenagers especially, it becomes more complex than just laws and punishments.

Discipline for teenagers should serve a purpose, and that is not to scare them away from you or the misconduct!

Let us quickly establish that it is very unlikely you would make us scared of you. We’ll rebel, maybe quietly and then you’ll LOSE us.

It is also unlikely you’ll make us scared of the misconduct. We‘ll probably still do it, just privately and then you’ll LOSE us.

We are now young adults who are entitled to our own opinions. To discipline us means you have to get us to the point where

1. we admit the wrong
2. understand the consequences and
3. by ourselves are ready to take steps away from it. After and only after this is achieved, a punishment would then obviously emphasize the life lesson that there are consequences for actions and inactions.

The whole thing becomes really tricky, having to work on influencing another person's volition; attempting to change our hearts as opposed to just scaring us into submission. It can also become a very frustrating situation if not handled properly. 

We’ll be dwelling on these ideas in the coming posts. What is the structure that’s needed to be in place to “discipline teenagers?”.

PART 4: QUICK STORY

We had a student who was mostly referred to by everyone as our son. Let’s call him C.O.O for the sake of this conversation. C.O.O was a very friendly and super active student. He also loved to help and look out for everyone. He, however, had come quite a long way without building the necessary work ethics required for his grade level. This meant that the perception of hard work was nowhere near where it needed to be. This posed a massive conundrum mostly because he was in a very competitive program. This coupled with gaps in his learning from his previous school yet truly adorable personality made the whole situation very confusing to deal with.

We went back and forth a lot trying to find a balance in helping him. It was a learning curve for all of us involved. Many times we were at loggerheads. We had to insist on some values despite what he thought or felt was right at the time. Some of these were so extreme it was a no-brainer we could continue to have a thriving relationship. One would have expected him to shut down and shut us out completely.

Oh, but we did maintain our fondness. We aren’t just friendly to each other. We are actual friends. We were able to maintain a blissful friendship through it all. He loves to come around to help out, motivate the other kids, and hang out with even us the teachers.

Remember in our next series of posts, we will be discussing what systems need to be in place to effectively discipline teenagers. We will be sharing ideas, practical steps, and stories about how we have been able to maintain a good balance with the teenagers at our school.

 

PART 5: CONCLUSION

So here's a quick summary of the read

1. Yay! We met you! 😎

2. We were all teenagers at some point. That was when we started to own our lives. There is nothing wrong with it.

3. Teenage age is easily mismanaged if you are not prepared for it.

4.  We are proof that your teenagers do not have to resent you because you want what's best for them.

5. Finally, be on the lookout for our next post!

Don't forget to drop your comments in the comment section. We will love to meet you. Also let us know how this helps you, your thoughts, and experiences dealing with teenage transitions.